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The Cure for Criticism
by Todd Puntolillo
Author of Love,
Wisdom and Healing
If I were given the power to cure just one
ill that haunts mankind, I would pass up cancer, breeze
by AIDS, and overlook heart disease because curing the
malady I have in mind might just cure most of the others
as a side effect. The cure I would seek would be the cure
of criticism. No disease shrivels up children, destroys
the family unit, ruins the business place, incapacitates
government, nor produces stress like criticism. The terrible
three (criticism, judgment, and complaint) do more to
dishearten the spirit and, in general, create misery,
pain and sorrow than anything else I have ever encountered.
What is sad is that it is so often the vice of the otherwise
virtuous person. It is so commonplace that, in many cases,
we don't even pause to take note when words of criticism
are voiced. Sitcoms find their success in "put downs"
while millions watch and laugh.
Criticism is so hideous that we even label
criticism as "constructive" and "destructive"
so that we can invalidate someone and tell them that it
is for their own good. The need to be right by making
someone else wrong is the problem to be addressed. Why
not make someone else right by assisting them or letting
them go, free of humiliation, so they can learn and grow?
We CAN change the world! How do we change
from the damage which is inflicted by blame, censure,
ridicule, judgment, complaint, condemnation and criticism?
The main objection I hear to this is that "constructive"
criticism is needed to make corrections. If your comments
do not ridicule, blame, shame, attack or demean someone,
then you are suggesting, instructing or in some way assisting
someone, and those methods differ from criticizing in
their intentionality. Encouraging and helping someone
is a form of kindness or caring and differs from criticizing.
I think most of us know the difference between being helped
and being invalidated.
When you criticize, faces drop and spirits
sink. The criticizer announces his own loveless soul when
browbeating someone. Criticism teaches children that they
are inadequate or unlovable. Blame stops progress in the
business environment and undermines every goal. Condemnation
and censure perpetuates racism and warlike thinking. What
happens to your creativity when you are under fire? Criticism
is an excellent tool to intimidate and invalidate someone,
teach intolerance, start arguments and alienate others,
hurt the feelings of the people who love you, attract
criticism to yourself, bring disharmony to a peaceful
place, stifle the dynamics of world unity, break up families
and break peoples’ hearts and wills.
Knowing that if you don’t perform you’ll
be criticized or judged creates stress and mistakes. It
is widely accepted that stress is the most common cause
of disease? And haven’t we been told that stress
kills? That should be reason enough for us to rethink
the cruelty of its source.
The
cure for this is to care about our own happiness and the
happiness of others enough to give up trying to make them
wrong so we can look good. We don’t have to be right!
At first, this concept sounds threatening. Believe me,
in spite of what you’ve always been told, you don’t
have to be right all of the time. Once we realize this,
life becomes a whole lot freer and easier! Here is your
choice (says A Course in Miracles) "Do you want to
be happy or do you want to be right?" Why have we
heard so little about this before? Because those who criticized
us thought they needed to be "right." Criticism
is attack and as such destroys. What is more, the criticized
party usually defends himself by making his critic wrong
in his own mind. We usually accomplish nothing trying
to convince someone that he is wrong. Better to let him
know we care and want to help.
Here is how to CREATE THE CHANGE THAT HAS
THE POWER TO CURE WHAT AILS OUR WORLD: Lavish appreciation
and encouragement on everyone. TEACH gratitude and healthy
values. ASSIST those who are making mistakes. ENCOURAGE,
BE KIND and remove the barb when you attempt to bring
about change. Can you imagine a world where we all behave
as if we really WANT harmony? As always, the choice is
yours. We really can be part of "THE CURE."
Let me suggest what I call The Winning Formula:
G+L+T+F=PJI.
In mathematical formulas, that which is on the left side
of the equal sign is the same as, or equivalent to, that
which is on the right side. The key is to know the value
of each symbol. Now I’ll spell this one out to clarify.
Gratitude + Love + Trust + Forgiveness = Peace times
Joy times Inner strength (Also called Integrity).
In order to multiply your sense of peace, joy and power,
you need to compound your gratitude with love, trust and
forgiveness.
| You Can Rise No Higher
Than Your Lowest Estimation of Another |
| Repalacing Ugly Thought |
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Why forgiveness you may ask? When you were a child
and were asked to forgive a friend who wronged you,
it was explained that he/she didn’t mean it.
You decided it wasn’t so important and resumed
play. As you got older, forgiveness meant letting
go of something from the past that still ached inside.
You could see that it was an attempt to heal hurt
feelings that remained painful within you. A bumper
sticker on my car reads: Forgiveness means giving
up all hope of a better past. You see, the past
is gone and the bitterness is a choice. You are
choosing whether or not to let YOUR feelings about
something someone said or did eat you up–perhaps
literally. There is a deeper meaning to forgiveness.
It is seeing love in the face of hate, fear or resentment.
It is replacing every ugly thought that comes up
for us because it is truly the ONLY healthy, satisfying
thing to do. Anything less will harm us every day
for the rest of our lives. Remember: YOU CAN RISE
NO HIGHER THAN YOUR LOWEST ESTIMATION OF ANOTHER.
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| You Cannot be Grateful
and Unhappy at the Same Time |
| Love Dissolves Fear
and Doubt |
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Gratitude is that simplistic knowing that all is
well and everything we have, physical or nonphysical,
is a gift. If we were to take the time to count
life’s gifts, we could do it all day and into
the night. Many of us don’t look deeply enough
to see all the good. It is a powerful recognition
that multiplies peace and joy exponentially and
makes us powerful. YOU CANNOT BE GRATEFUL AND UNHAPPY
AT THE SAME TIME.
There is not enough I can say about love. It is
our true nature and the truth about creation. Only
fear and doubt cloud our perfect vision of love.
To cultivate a loving soul is to honor life and
extend well-being to everyone we mentally embrace.
In the words of Emmet Fox: "It makes no difference
how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless
the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the
mistake. A SUFFICIENT REALIZATION OF LOVE WILL DISSOLVE
IT ALL."
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Trust seems difficult. Although faith is wonderful,
I call it trust because the word faith can, at times,
project a feeling of helplessness. Trust is an inner
knowing that all is as it should be and that the
universe is both loving and intelligent. If peace,
joy and inner strength are attractive to you, then
follow this winning formula. Be grateful. There
is so much here for you. Be loving. It warms your
heart and blesses others. Trust a perfect outcome–better
yet, be trusting now, the only time frame that exists.
No need to wait. The overcoming of the suggestion
called fear is the great task of humanity today.
Forgive those who have done what you consider wrong.
They are giving you the opportunity to be loving
and grateful. Follow the formula and be part of
"THE CURE!"
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| About the Author |
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Todd Puntolillo has over 50 years experience
in spiritual healing and metaphysics. He is
and has been editor and inspirational columnist
for the Happy Times Monthly since its incipiency
in May of 1995 and is author of his own book
Love, Wisdom and Healing.
Todd is currently on a local speaking
tour entitled The Mystical Secrets of Life.
He has studied more than a dozen modalities
of healing and teaches healing as a natural,
not phenomenal, result of one's loving consciousness
and powerful conviction. For more information,
visit his website at www.wisdomandhealing.com
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